👞✉️ THE STATE OF THE SHUNION

What is this, a special edition? Welcome back to THE SHUSLETTER!!! Long time no see. Lots have happened, and I might maybe possibly probably won’t update you on all of it, but we ball. I know I don’t usually (“usually” being a very strong word when referring to a newsletter on life support) start with the big news in this intro, but there is a NEW EPISODE OF THE SHUCAST. I know. I think more time has passed from my last episode to now than… like… declaring war on Vietnam and the moon landing..? I don’t really. Dates in American history aren’t my strong suit. Neither are names in American History. Or events. I really don’t know what happened in America in the past.

this week’s anthem

( apple music / spotify )

Wow. The boy is back in town, meaning that this week’s anthem is “The Boys Are Back In Town” by Thin Lizzy. Guess who’s back? Back again. Thin Lizzy’s back and so am I. This song’s got everything: drums, guitar, people saying words. What else could you need in a song? Nothing! There is absolutely nothing else in songs! How dense are you? You can’t play a bass, that’s a fish, dumbass.

what’s up

Happy hump day! Wow, what a time it’s been. What’s up? A lot. I live in Indiana now, which is pretty cool. Not permanently, just until I get forcibly ejected from the university.

I’m gonna do my first ever stand-up show tomorrow, which is cool. If you are in the area, pull up to Washington Hall @ Notre Dame and come watch me make people slightly chuckle.

Stand up is way different writing than anything I’ve done before. I think I’m getting it but you cant just say something funny happened and people will laugh, you kinda need to say the funny thing happening in a funny way commenting on it, you know? I’m a professional, shut up.

Some may say it’s pretty ballsy performing on the mainstage of a theater in a full suit and tie in front of about two hundred people people, but I just like to call it incredibly terrifying. However; we ball.

Missing all the real ones back home rn. I’ll be back soon ya hurd? Ong. Alright that’s all for me, see you tomorrow.

this week in shumaker history

• On April 21st, 2023 AD/CE Shumaker went to his 1st prom of the year. Nothing else happened. He went straight home and slept very well afterwards.

• On April 23rd, 0 B.S. (Before Shumaker), The first Youtube Video was uploaded. That’s actually a cool fact!

• On April 26th, 19 B.S. The Chernobyl disaster explosion thing occurred. I should watch that show. It’s probably okay to visit now. Field trip?

• On April. 25th, 2409 B.S. The Peloponnesian War ended as Athens surrendered to Sparta, in case you were wondering.

• There are a lot more things that happened this week, but they are not fun! Like how the Unabomber’s last bomb went off this week in 1995. Ok, not cool.

what’s up with the rat patrol?

Rat Patrol is on hiatus, currently maxin’ and relaxin’ in the Maldives. I wonder if they’ll ever do their job.

fictional animal of the week

prove he’s real. do it.

links

I just found out that in 1997, The C.I.A. Found No Link Between Itself and the Crack Trade, which I think just sharing is funnier than making any joke about it. Thanks Tim Weiner.

I’ve started check books out of the library. There’s no link for that. Go find your local library and check out a book or something. They’re sick. I mean I am technically going to my university library but still.

I, uh, kinda wanted to get into cornell notes but never did. Here’s a guide my advisor sent me (he’s a big cornell notes guy)

I have to finish a 10 page philosophy paper that I havent started by midnight. Anyone wanna help. No link. I like genuinely need someone to help me.

Thanks for reading. Come back after another 62 weeks when we’re gonna talk about our favorite colors. Mine’s phtalo green.

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