👞✉️ Shuport Airsletter

Happy hump day! Welcome back to the shusletter, third edition. I’ve received some comments regarding what the lake in the background of the header represents. The lake is there to be the background of the title card that says “the shusletter.” Hope this helps!

ALSO: Sorry about the late newsletter. I’ve decided to just write it today because I’m traveling and needed to sleep. But it’s here now, and I hope you enjoy it nonetheless.

this week’s anthem

( apple music / spotify )

…is “Jet Airliner” by the Steve Miller Band. I like this song, and there is no reason for picking this song this week other than me liking it. There is no underlying theme to this edition of the shusletter. The song’s name “Jet Airliner” is not a reference to anything else in this newsletter. You will especially not see another blue horse later in this issue. There was no reason for picking this song other than me liking it.

what’s up

AIRPORTS!!!!! I love them. They’re like a world in between. I’m sure I’ve shared my love for these one-of-a-kind locations that are the same at every location. Airports are beauty, airports are grace. If I had to pick between an airport and ten billion dollars, I would pick the ten billion dollars, and use every penny to make even more airports.

As I sit here, in Gate B11 of Reagan National at 6:22 AM of Friday, the 17th of February, 2022, I felt that there was no time like the present to share my love for these onramps to the highway in the sky. There is nothing else in this world as beautiful as airports. I mean, other than (most) airports being architectural beauties in their own right, the atmosphere/energy/vibe/what-have-you of these behemoths are where the truly deep beauty of these places comes from. If you can’t tell how much I love airports, maybe my most recent Snapchat story would give it away.

Wonderful. So, I’m sitting there, right, and they’re playing some random elevator/background music with some nice saxophone and what have you, and this guy goes up to the loudspeaker (don’t worry, he worked there). The guy starts saying “Happy president’s day! I’ve got some trivia for you.” What a place. There’s nothing like it. “Also, I’ve got a prize for the person that gets this right first WITHOUT GOOGLING THE ANSWER.” Wow, there really is nothing like airports at 6:22 AM. With much murmuring from the crowd (this is a lie, we were at the airport at six twenty-two in the morning, we were all half asleep… except for one lady who over-enthusiastically cheered at the end of every sentence this person says. Like, okay. Sure. You’re excited this guy is making the mornings exciting, but it’s SIX TWENTY-TWO IN THE MORNING, HOW ARE YOU SO AWAKE? But really, isn’t that the true reason we love airports? The people are insane, the place is an endless liminal space of a maze, and everybody both feels the exact same thing yet are experiencing everything completely differently), the man began his question:

“What is the name of the president in the White House when the first baby was born? Or the baby? It wasn’t the president’s baby. It was his wife’s. If you have any grasp of human biology you would know this. … There was a candy bar this kid was named for- the kid was named after.” (Sorry man, I’m not abridging what you said at all)

Someone immediately said “President Snickers.” WONDERFUL! An excellent display of perfectly timed comedy that we all appreciated during this busy morning. I mean, he was wrong, but the joke was appreciated. The answer was Baby Ruth for the kid (he never said which president it was, but that’s fine).

It’s 3:20 PM (MST) now, and I finally made it out of the airports and all they entail. Yes, even after my plane was delayed upwards of two hours, I still love airports. You wake up before the rest of the world, and when you arrive you get transported to a world that (almost) never sleeps, with every person doing their own thing. There are people rushing to their next place, people with four hours to until their next flight, and everything in between. All of these people are sharing an experience in this world outside of time, and to me that’s beautiful.

Airports are everything wrapped up in one wild package. In my layover at Chicago’s O’Hare Airport(ORD), I walked through this art display called Sky’s The Limit to get to my next gate (before having to walk back through it the other way because the gate changed right as I got there). It’s really beautiful, as simple as it is. All of the lights come together to make an otherwise boring tunnel something to be excited to walk through. Airports can be art installations, malls, food courts, communal spaces, exclusive lounges, and more. Airports are the beauty of human creations (…and consumerism, but that’s something else entirely) at its peak.

this week in shumaker history

• On Feb. 17th, 2023 AD/CE Shumaker was in an airport.

• On Feb. 14th, ~1735 B.S. (Before Shumaker), St. Valentine was beheaded. How romantic!

• On Feb. 16th, 82 B.S. Howard Carter entered the burial chamber of King Tut, opening his tomb for the first time (since King Tut was buried, as the tomb obviously had been opened when he was buried there).

what’s up with the rat patrol?

They’re on a flight.

fictional blue horse statue with red eyes that glow at night in front of an airport of the week

It’s Blucifer from the Denver International Airport! Blue Mustang by Luis Jiménez is a statue of a blue mustang at DEN. There’s a whole world of conspiracies surrounding this guy, but even forgetting about those this thing is insanely creepy.

links

Ever loved airports and planes so much that you wanted to live in one? These people did, so they converted old scrapyard airplanes into refurbished, customized living spaces. It’s not just one person either, a bunch of people have done this. I think I have a new bucket list item.

Also, Blucifer isn’t the only freakish conspiracy to come out of the Denver International Airport. There are tons of conspiracies, and this article is only scratching the surface. What’s great is that DEN is embracing these conspiracies and has started a small marketing campaign about them. The only thing that bugs me is that they’re trying to say these conspiracies aren’t real. Mhmmm. Sure.

Thanks for reading. I love airports so much.

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